brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
