I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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