i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
