it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I deserve this hangover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
