My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
