Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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