i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
