he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We left an ass print on the piano.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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