the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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