I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
