i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My vagina is officially offended.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
