is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
