The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
