Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize