Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
