Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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