I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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