Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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