I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
