I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's not cheating when I paid for it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
