Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
