Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
