Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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