Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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