You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two words: blizzard sex
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
