I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
