So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
