i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
