I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
