Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize