I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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