mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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