i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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