Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize