I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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