Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
