Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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