It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
