dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize