I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
