Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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