I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
