Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize