Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
