Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
