This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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