I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
