You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
