Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize