you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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