Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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