There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
