Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
