can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
