i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
