At least make sure they are 18
Why
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
