So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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