clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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