my mouth tastes like poor choices
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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