Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
