She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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