Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
