Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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