y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize