my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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