You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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