porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
