It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
