Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
