just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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