I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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