You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize