he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
