I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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