i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
