He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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