Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
