i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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