And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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