i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize