Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
