so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
