i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We got so high we made milksteak
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
