his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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