So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
