Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
